Is the pursuit of happiness humanity's curse?
The following is my response to a message board post about happiness. Don't worry mom, I'm not depressed. ;)
I don't disagree with all of you that you can just be happy. In fact my entire life after age 18 has been based on that premise, but lately I've become somewhat disillusioned by the absence of meaning in the mundane concerns of day-to-day life. Don't get me wrong, there's plenty to be happy about. I make enough money to pay for food and rent. I can spend time playing with my friends. I appreciate sunsets and fresh air and the little things that you tend not to notice after you grow up, but in the back of my mind I still hear a little voice that presses me to keep searching. For purpose. For meaning. For a deeper happiness that can only be achieved through self-fulfillment. We're constantly overcoming hurdles and life challenges that bring a temporary sense of purpose, but if you take those challenges away you're faced with a basic question about the nature of life. What are your goals and why? I don't crave money or power or any material things. I'm driven somewhat by a genetically programmed desire to procreate, but is that the be-all and end-all reason for doing anything?
So now it gets into the personal stuff. I'm relatively successful in life with the notable exception that I'm still single. Recently I came to the realization that my last relationship ended in large part due to my overwhelming need to find meaning in life through a connection with a soul mate, if you will. If you assume for a moment that it's ludicrous to think that you can find meaning in life via such a connection, it follows that I will never be happy with my girlfriend, I will never find any real meaning or purpose, and I will never find true happiness. And that is why I will die a lonely and bitter old man. The End.
Comments
Rewriting your agreement with reality.
I was listening to Dr. Wayne Dyer for about three hours on PBS and he used one line that struck a chord. As part of his talk he told anecdotes and elucidated principles that he found from a variety of sources and kept referring to the agreement we all make with reality.
I never thought much about that agreement except that I can understand that we come to such agreements of our own will. No one can write an agreement with another or with one’s self without coming to language. Within language we can express hope, fear, illusion or deceit. We can find guiding principles, aphorisms, and covenants. Within the words we use to describe who we are and what we long for there exists a thought process and a selection process whereby we discard concrete possibilities and chose others. We distill the experiences we have through the words we use to describe.
Happiness is a word we use to describe the experiences we cherish while they are happening and to remember those experiences in the color of an emotion. Red is the color of anger, blue the color of depression, and the softer pastels for positive emotions. Pink is happiness. The color of the early morning sky. Just seeing that color in the sky makes the day more enjoyable.
Happiness is not what other people bring to you or me, happiness is how we respond to people and events that we find meaningful. The bird song, the flower bloom, a soft touch, a warm embrace. These bring an energy to being in the world that we respond to with the emotion of happiness. Happiness is a response to doing something for another person, to helping another find fulfillment and meaning. To watching the heavenly bodies plying their rounds, to watching mares tales in the sky.
Happiness for me was creating a space of inquiry around my son where he could ask himself interesting questions and find possible answers.
If I had a piece of advice it would be this. Never look to others for happiness. Attempt to bring others the help they need to achieve those things they find meaningful and cherish in that process the experiences that you describe with a single word. It doesn’t matter if the word is English, Dutch or French.
Happiness is being alive on the planet. It may not be perfect, but it beats the alternative hands down.
Posted by: Bob | December 8, 2002 04:01 PM